Contributed by “S” in Utah (#32)

Hi …

Here is my story which demonstrates why I believe men are jerks.

I am an attractive, young-looking shapely, fun woman in my 40s … My appearance has been described as anything from cute to gorgeous. Since I divorced I have dated too numerous to mention guys who have been "slow", i.e. slow in the physical intimacy department. Like most women, I try to cut my men some slack and let things happen naturally. Sadly in most instances, I have found men will STAY in a "buddy" relationship a long time (i.e. a year or more) where they are not initiating sex or anything close, for reasons I don’t fully understand. Like many women, I thought that these men were being respectful and eventually our relationship would lead to something deeper and long lasting. I was so wrong!

In one case, my purpose was to provide companionship and make the other girlfriend jealous. I found out later he even gave us the same gifts at birthdays and Christmas. In another case, initial late nights of endless kissing and cuddling gave way in two months to a call every Tuesday and a date every Saturday that went on ’til I put my needs for at least some level of kissing and physical touching on the line. Eventually he squirmed away and wanted to be just friends (I don’t know how this differed from what we were when we were dating but I’ve not heard from him so I guess that is what just friends is). Still another man took six months to kiss me, then when I wouldn’t buy an annuity policy he was selling, it was over and I never heard from him again. The latest: initial passion the first month has been replaced by him being "sick" every time we could possibly be alone together the second month. Stomach aches, head aches, allergies … every time! Amazingly he cures easily and quickly when we are out in public in a group setting.

I have tried to show a little class and am not jumping anybody’s bones here. I definitely wait for cues, signals, and overtures, but even when the timing is right or when I suggest I’d be open to a more intimate relationship, these men are just not able to perform a passionate kiss and caress my breasts or slide my hand down their pants.

Ladies don’t waste your time thinking that a lack of physical affection is all about a guy’s respect for you as you will be WAITING a long time for your "prince" to give you the love and affection you totally deserve. As you can see above, I have made this mistake multiple times (which I suppose speaks to choices I have made in men that haven’t been the wisest relationship choices). At least I’m learning more quickly! It’s one thing to wait for the right time for physical intimacy (i.e., sexual intercourse), but when you can see that you are not getting emotional or physical connection from him (yet he continues to call …), he is wasting your precious time so take my advice and MOVE ON!

Sadder but wiser in Salt Lake City