Contributed by “J” in Montana, 7/23/2004

Ladies, my sisters and comrades, I’m afraid our mothers were right. And you know that sneaking suspicion you’ve had about boys since you were twelve? Well it’s true. Yes, I am here to confirm what we’ve (now be honest with yourself) always known but have stubbornly hoped otherwise: MEN ARE JERKS. Some are so high on the Asshole Gage that it’s unbelievable that one man could be SUCH AN ASSHOLE and lo! he’s not even TRYING to be! It’s some sort of goddamned natural gift!

But your average, run-of-the-mill jerk is what we usually find. We’ve all dated them…you know, the beauties that morph into the Beasts. At first he’s so sweet! You sit in the park and listen to the poetry he wrote you, and he hangs on every word you say. When you walk in public he’s grinning from ear to ear simply because he’s with you.

Then … things slow down …He slowly loses interest in how your day was or how you feel. And then it dawns on you.The poetry he wrote you? He merely erased his ex-girlfriends name and scribbled in yours. And when he was “listening” to you? HAHAHA!!! Hell no! He was thinking about you naked, and you wanna know the REAL reason he was smiling with you? He was thinking “Woohoo! Guess who SCORED!!” Yes indeed. Take my Favorite Bastard for instance. We break up (and it’s a long story to go into verbatim) and months later as we’re together he says that he loves me and he truly wants a relationship, not just damn good hand jobs (if I do say so myself. “Well, how do you know you really love me?” “Because I miss you when you’re gone, I want to protect you, and ..I don’t sleep well when you’re not in my arms.”

Awwwww…isn’t that sweet? And then he asked me if we could date again, then adding it’s okay if I didn’t want to. *Sigh* how wonderful … Yeah … I thought so too. Let us pause for a moment to observe this period of peace and tranquility. Blissfully complete and loved. Aaaahhh….. 🙂 … …. …. And then I realized, as so many of us do, that men date for one reason and one reason alone: sex. While women date for love.

Men notoriously choose sex over love, and when they do they become Assholes and will say and do ANYTHING to convince you otherwise because while they may not have figured out everything about women. One fact has managed to trickle down to their brains throughout the centuries” women will not sleep with you unless they are sure you love them back.

If the woman doesn’t care, she’s pretty much a whore and most men don’t want a whore. Not for REAL sex. Hell, it’s just not a CHALLENGE. And that’s what they want, my sisters. A good chase before they plug you and move on.

So what’s the secret to a successful relationship with a man? A relationship where sex isn’t the focus but true love is?

If I knew I wouldn’t be writing this! I’d be with my man toasting to our love in Paris. Maybe we should genetically alter them because as far as I can tell men think a relationship is a cruise ship your whole family goes on.